Well, Mr. Wonderful is not so wonderful anymore. I was a fool once again, but NO more. I can't get suckered in every time he thinks it's ok to start things up like nothing happened.
He put it out there that he possibility wanted more and so when I ask him about it do I get an answer? Of course not!! I just wanted to know either way if we were on the same page or if I totally misread what he said those two nights we talked. I'm not stupid in what he said. He was recindling the past and starting up a possible new future with us.
I guess that's all it was - it was all talk. I can't tempt myself into talking with him anymore. I'm sure in a few months we will talk again - it seems to be the pattern with us, but if it does happen again I'll be sure to put my foot down and not let it get too far.
At one time we could have been really great together, but that time was a LONG time ago and that ship has sailed.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Thursday, August 2, 2007
Confused
My ex from two years ago contacts me this weekend and we had two great conversations. So great that I am a tad confused on what he wants from me and us. We seem to always come back to each other every 4-5 months. I have forgiven him, but forgetting is another story. To this day I have a hard time trusting the men I am with in fear it will happen again. It felt good talking to him again, but it was just talking. The passion we once had was there again which makes talking now all the more confusing.
He broke my heart like you wouldn't believe. I cried for months wondering why. It took so long to get over because I never received any closure from him. I was left hanging with no answer which hurt more than anything. I knew the answer, but wish he had just told me why. I never thought I would get over it. I evenutally did, but have yet to have a decent relationship since.
I'm willing to work on being friends with him, but I'm not sure about being anything more. I at one time thought he was the love of my life. He very well could be, but how much is it going to take for us to get what we had back? How can I be sure he won't do it again?
He is one of the sweetest guys out there other than the one flaw that ended our relationship. It's because of him that I believe good guys really do exist. I just need to find one. I am kinda looking and kinda taking a break. I want to find Mr. Right whether it is him or someone else. I think I deserve a Mr. Right.
After we broke up I wrote this poem abour our relationship and how it all ended.
Shattered
My heart still breaks every single day
To not know is killing me
You are a little boy trapped in a man’s body
Not man enough to tell me the truth
Not man enough to face me in person
Your actions repeat those of your father
Left me alone without an answer
Left me alone without any closure
Tears run down my face
Just thinking of what we used to have
Tears run down my face
Just thinking of what we could have had
You shattered me into a million pieces
Pieces I do not think will ever be whole again
You gave me the world and took it all away
All for someone who left when you needed her most
You were the love of my life
The one that wanted to raise my vail
And have that baby girl
The one that said we would grow old together
And stare a lifetime into my eyes
Whatever happened to him?
Whatever happened to our fate?
I never knew what true love was like until I found youy
I never knew what true love was like until I lost you
I am always the one that is so strong
But with all my power and strength
I cannot put you out of my mind and heart
You took away my trust
You took away my passion and spirit
You took away everything I cherished most
You made me feel so special
And wanted to spend the rest of forever with me
I lit up at the sound of your voice
And you took my breath away
I melted every time you said I Love You
And you always put a smile on my face
Made the most difficult times better
With a promise to always be there
Here I am at my most difficult time with no smile in sight
And you are no where to be found
I guess forever got be too long
I never imagined Prince Charming could be so wrong
One day you will realize what you have lost
By then it will be too late
No matter how much I still care for you
Nothing could make me take you back
I want to find someone who can take away the pain you have caused
Will I ever let him?
I can only hope
I have put up my walls again
And hide my feelings from those who care
Someone will find me again
I hope he will have the patience
And give me that chance
Keep trying when I push him away
And understand my hesitation
It is all because of you
I will not be crushed again
©Kristina Allen 2005
In my poem I state that I wouldn't take him back, but now I'm wondering. That confusion could be overshadowed by the lonliness that I am feeling and I could be walking a fine line and jumping into this too soon.
I have emailed him and asked him straight out what he wants for me. If I read into what he was saying wrong I want him to tell me. If he wants to work on it again I want him to tell me. I just don't want to be left in the dark being confused on what he wants and most of all I don't want to get hurt again. A lot of my friends would kick my butt if I went back to him, but it is my choice. Right now I'm not thinking either way.
I'm going to try and keep myself as busy as possible and hopefully I will get an answer one way or another. I'm not going to wait either - if a man comes along and wants to go out and I feel comfortable I won't turn down the opportunity.
He broke my heart like you wouldn't believe. I cried for months wondering why. It took so long to get over because I never received any closure from him. I was left hanging with no answer which hurt more than anything. I knew the answer, but wish he had just told me why. I never thought I would get over it. I evenutally did, but have yet to have a decent relationship since.
I'm willing to work on being friends with him, but I'm not sure about being anything more. I at one time thought he was the love of my life. He very well could be, but how much is it going to take for us to get what we had back? How can I be sure he won't do it again?
He is one of the sweetest guys out there other than the one flaw that ended our relationship. It's because of him that I believe good guys really do exist. I just need to find one. I am kinda looking and kinda taking a break. I want to find Mr. Right whether it is him or someone else. I think I deserve a Mr. Right.
After we broke up I wrote this poem abour our relationship and how it all ended.
Shattered
My heart still breaks every single day
To not know is killing me
You are a little boy trapped in a man’s body
Not man enough to tell me the truth
Not man enough to face me in person
Your actions repeat those of your father
Left me alone without an answer
Left me alone without any closure
Tears run down my face
Just thinking of what we used to have
Tears run down my face
Just thinking of what we could have had
You shattered me into a million pieces
Pieces I do not think will ever be whole again
You gave me the world and took it all away
All for someone who left when you needed her most
You were the love of my life
The one that wanted to raise my vail
And have that baby girl
The one that said we would grow old together
And stare a lifetime into my eyes
Whatever happened to him?
Whatever happened to our fate?
I never knew what true love was like until I found youy
I never knew what true love was like until I lost you
I am always the one that is so strong
But with all my power and strength
I cannot put you out of my mind and heart
You took away my trust
You took away my passion and spirit
You took away everything I cherished most
You made me feel so special
And wanted to spend the rest of forever with me
I lit up at the sound of your voice
And you took my breath away
I melted every time you said I Love You
And you always put a smile on my face
Made the most difficult times better
With a promise to always be there
Here I am at my most difficult time with no smile in sight
And you are no where to be found
I guess forever got be too long
I never imagined Prince Charming could be so wrong
One day you will realize what you have lost
By then it will be too late
No matter how much I still care for you
Nothing could make me take you back
I want to find someone who can take away the pain you have caused
Will I ever let him?
I can only hope
I have put up my walls again
And hide my feelings from those who care
Someone will find me again
I hope he will have the patience
And give me that chance
Keep trying when I push him away
And understand my hesitation
It is all because of you
I will not be crushed again
©Kristina Allen 2005
In my poem I state that I wouldn't take him back, but now I'm wondering. That confusion could be overshadowed by the lonliness that I am feeling and I could be walking a fine line and jumping into this too soon.
I have emailed him and asked him straight out what he wants for me. If I read into what he was saying wrong I want him to tell me. If he wants to work on it again I want him to tell me. I just don't want to be left in the dark being confused on what he wants and most of all I don't want to get hurt again. A lot of my friends would kick my butt if I went back to him, but it is my choice. Right now I'm not thinking either way.
I'm going to try and keep myself as busy as possible and hopefully I will get an answer one way or another. I'm not going to wait either - if a man comes along and wants to go out and I feel comfortable I won't turn down the opportunity.
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