I just got done reading He's Just Not That Into You by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo and let me tell you that this was an eye opening hit you in the face type of book. It never occurred to me to read a book about why my past relationships have gone wrong or why I stayed in them longer than I should have. I do watch Greg Behrendt's talk show a couple of times a week so of course they advertise the book and I contemplated on picking it up. Low and behold it arrived in the mail for an early birthday present from my twin sister from another mother Carrie.Carrie and I lead pretty much the same lives when it comes to men. It is quite bizarre to say the least. We tend to date similar assholes at the same time and when one of us dumps said asshole it's not long after that she or me will dump the asshole we are dating. The one thing Carrie and I are known to bitch about to each other is making excuses why we are still with them. As I think back to the men I have dated and the conversations Carrie and I had about them time and time again she would tell me to dump the bastard. Did I listen? Well - yes, but not right away. The excuse train was a rollin' out of my mouth and there were no stops on this train ride. Like the good friend she is – she would listen. The exact same thing would happen with Carrie and someone she was dating. I could see that she should dump him, but did she listen? Just like me – not right away. We can be stubborn when it comes to dating. I think part of it is that we want to be with a guy whether he is right or not.
Carrie and I live seven hours apart yet both of us can tell each other what kind of loser each of us is dating. She and I will tell each other to end it weeks before we actually get out of the relationship. You think we would be getting smarter about ending a relationship sooner, but we don't. For her birthday I got her a shirt that said Boys Suck and it was very fitting at the time for both of us. I hope she wore it proudly.
Now, I dive into this book because Carrie said it was soooo us. Yep, Carrie read it too. I couldn't put it down. There is a chapter for every guy that I have ever dated and reasons why those men were just not that into me. Behrendt says that a lot in the book so if you read it – get used to it.
The most poignant chapter for me was He's Just Not That Into You If He's Disappeared. What an awful feeling is to have someone you love just up and disappear on you without a word. Well, that happened to me and it took me a very long time to stop crying over a man that I knew wasn't coming back. I had no closure which was the worst part of it all. I just wish he had told me that he was going back to his ex than just leave me hanging to cry for months and months. There was a letter from a girl who had basically the same thing happen to her – if I didn't know any better you could have signed my name to it. It was that surreal.
This girl wanted to know why - as did I. Behrendt's advice was to drop the asshole and forget about him and not waste anymore time on him. The asshole knows you are pissed and he is not going to listen to you. He doesn't care anymore. That stopped the minute he disappeared. He says it might feel good to yell at him, but in the long run you will wish you hadn't. You have much better things to do with your life.
Oh how I could have used this advice two years ago when it happened to me. I might not have wasted so many tears on a guy that obviously didn't want to be with me. You know – I probably got the advice from someone along the way, but chose not to listen to it then.
My problem with this guy now is that he keeps coming back and I have a hard time saying no to him when he does. Carrie can attest to this as she is one of the first people I tell when he does contact me. She has now started to tell me to be careful – she knows me too well that girl. I get this giddy feeling when I do talk to him, but this every few months of saying hi and flirting is complete bullshit and I am sick of it. No more! There is a chapter about breaking up and him constantly coming back. If this man truly wanted me he would move mountains to be with me and that is not what he is doing. He hasn't even attempted to move a rock. Why the hell do I even bother with him? I have decided as of right now to cut of all ties with him. I am wasting too much energy on this man when I could be ruining the chance of meeting someone great. If I keep letting him suck me back in every few months I'm never going to be happy. So bye-bye mister he's just not that into me.
Behrendt also states that the right guy will chase you and do practically anything to have you. If a guy doesn't appreciate you for all that you are worth, why do we constantly stay with these losers? I am all about my independence and not afraid to ask a guy out, but he says that's not what guys want. Well, I'm going to try it. He could very well be right on this. Let the guy ask for your number, let him work to get to know you/be with you. Anyone can seem too eager especially when alcohol is involved. So watch out for that. The right guy will do practically anything under the sun to put a smile on your face.
The main message I like from Behrendt is don't waste the pretty. He says that a lot throughout the book along with other uplifting messages that women should feel about themselves. He is right – if you read this book and see signs that a guy is just not that into you – move on! Why waste how beautiful, great, exciting, intelligent, independent, sexy, etc. on a guy who doesn't want to be with you? Dump him. As I write that I know it is easier said than done, but I am going to take what I have read in this book and learn from it. Hopefully I will see the signs sooner and not risk getting myself hurt again. It's amazing that friends can tell me I'm dating a loser and not listen, but reading the words in a book it's more insightful and has opened up my eyes. Obviously I sometimes have a problem with listening to my friends relationship advice. I'm going to work on that too.
After reading this book I do have faith that Carrie and I have learned from it and we are not going to waste the pretty. We are both too good, too beautiful and so much more that any man would be lucky to have us. We just need to be smarter about the ones we are seeing before Mr. Right passes us by.
I highly recommend this book to any woman who is struggling with a relationship right now or is questioning previous relationships. It will make you laugh, but it will also give you some great advice. I find Behrenddt's sarcasm on the show extremely funny and he applies it to the book just as much. He can be very blunt, but it will make you listen.
