I don't know if it is so lucky, but 13 years ago today my life changed. Today is the anniversary of the day I became paralyzed. I really think there should be a different word for such a day, but since there isn't I will go with it. You would think after 13 years I would be able to come up with something more unique. I mean seriously if you think about all the words that could be synonyms for anniversary they are all pretty happy occasion words. Unforntently this isn't a happy occasion.
So far today I am OK. Not, good, not bad, just OK. I have a ton of homework to keep my mind off things and have to upload vacation pictures. Oh joy. I just got back from Vegas and though it was a wee bit cold, I had an awesome time. Some times this day just goes by and I totally forget about it and other times I remember it and feel like reminiscing a bit. Today I am remembering it.
A lot has happened in the last 13 years and not all good. I had a lot of ups and downs with the Lupus relapsing over the years and far too many hospitalizations. Thankfully, the Lupus has been in remission for four years and haven't seen the inside of a hospital room since I broke my femur a year and half ago so health wise I couldn't be better. I've weened of two medications this past year and though I was apprehensive about going off them, my blood work is perfect. Knock on wood.
I keep changing my mind about school. I'm not happy with my school and haven't been in a while. I'm doing well, but I guess I am just bored and in a rut and wanting change. There's a shocker - me wanting change. I am not getting what I want out of it and they have me going far too long for as many credits that I do have. It is ridiculous. I'm in the process of possibly going back to my first college as I would be able to finish a lot sooner. They will be getting back to me hopefully next week. If that is the case I can soon start working on the goal of seeking employment in a much warmer climate when I finish school.
This has been an extremely long winter and it has been tough getting around. It is March 7th and it was windy and snowy yesterday and extremely cold today. It was brutal coming out of class last night. Thought I was going to blow away. I threw my back out for the first time in November to get on my truck lift in an unplowed parking lot. I still hurt today and the chiropractor says I have a displaced right shoulder. It will be nice to someday not have to worry about snow. I dream of that day. The grass peaked through a little bit while we were in Vegas, but my first night back we got another 3 inches. GO AWAY SNOW!
In the last year my advocacy efforts have stepped up. I actually got two cases solved as opposed to having some lawyer take over the case and have it sit on their desk collecting dust. It's a high sense of accomplishment to help those that are too shy to say something or don't know how to go about fixing it. Me, I have no problems bitching about it until is fixed right. I was once that shy girl that wouldn't say anything. I hope to work on more issues in the future.
I'm 28 years old and not where I thought I would be at this age. I dream of marriage and kids, but Prince Charming hasn't showed up on his white horse yet. Mostly the guys that I have dated have been riding stubborn old mules. I'm working on opening up my heart a little more - working on certain trust issues, etc. It all takes time. I don't know if it will all ever come back, but a little bit at a time works for me now. To think when I was younger and so naive I trusted everyone with everything. I'm not that invincible little girl anymore. The CRAZY Kissing Kristi is slowing down a bit. Don't worry - she's still there, she just doesn't come out near as much as she once did. I have to leave some in the tank for that Prince Charming when he comes along. ;)
Another year has gone by and thank goodness we are nearing the end of President Bush. There is no saying the next President is going to approve stem cell research, but gosh I am hoping he or she will. It's been a LONG 8 years with him in office. I'm not saying that is the cure to walking, but it is a chance so why not give it to us and so many other diseases? I'm not putting all my eggs in one basket in saying that is the only way. I know that and don't rely on a cure to continue living, but it would be nice to see the researchers be able to get some funding and try it. I don't think a chance is too much to ask for.
I have my health and happiness and those are two things a lot of people don't have. I'm grateful for them because I know it could be a whole helluva lot worse. Been there, done that, and got the t-shirt. I'm looking forward to a great upcoming 13th year, not because it has been 13 years, but because I think it will be a great year. Heres hoping.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
My Security Blanket Is Gone
There is literally no trace of him left anywhere -- no phone, no Internet. He just up and disappeared on me without a goodbye. I'm talking about a ex that remained in my life after a very painful and heartbreaking break up. He wasn't in my life for a very long time after he broke my heart, but one day he emailed me out of the blue and we started talking again. He apologized for what he did and wish he could have changed his choices, etc. None of that took the hurt away and if anything him coming back into my life brought back so many emotions. Love and hurt all in one emotional roller coaster ride. It took me a very long time to get over him and with him coming back I did get very confused on what we both wanted.
We began to talk once in a while - no often, but enough to be civil with one another. The conversations got to be more frequent and like old times. Not to the point that I would fall in love with him again, but enough that he at times would give me butterflies. He always had a way with words and sweeping me off my feet with them, but they were just that - words. At times after a conversation I would curse him for even coming back into my life. It took me months to get over the hurt and what he did. I can't say that I forgave him. I'm sure a part of me did, but not all of me and no matter what might have happened between us had we gotten back together I don't think, no I know I couldn't have forgotten what he had done.
As our conversations became more frequent we began to become friends again. When we first met he was helping me get out of a somewhat abusive relationship. I wasn't strong enough to tell this guy no, but with his help and love I was able to get out of it without getting too hurt. When he told me he was in love with me I melted. It felt so right even though I wasn't ready to say those words. He waited until I was ready to feel love again and never pressured me. It was a love I haven't felt in a very long time. It was like a fairy tale. Maybe then I should have realized it was too good to be true. He was that guy again. Anyway, he would listen to me about the loser guys I have dated and tell me I deserved so much more and he wish he could make it right again. I vowed that I would never go back to him ever again, but part of me felt that I could take him back. He was always a good listener and gave me good advice on what to do with whatever current guy I was dating at the time. He never once said dump them and take me back. He became my security blanket - no matter how shitty guys were being here I knew I could always talk to him and he could make me feel better.
I haven't had a decent long relationship since we ended in summer of 2005. I am terrified to open up again in fear I am going to get hurt. I have so many walls up and though I want commitment - I am scared of it too. I never want to feel the hurt that I felt that June day when he told me he was going back to his ex who left him so many years ago. Now, my security blanket is totally gone. He is not there to talk to anymore as friends or anything more. I don't know where he went or why he went, but I cannot lie and say I don't miss him because I do. I guess a small part of me will always care for him. With that I am going to post the poem I wrote after we ended.
With that it is time to say goodbye to him once again. It isn't as difficult as it was that June day. I'm a stronger more stubborn woman and if he doesn't want to talk to me anymore - I can deal with it. I know in the back of my mind he is going to pop up down the road - hopefully by then I have some wonderful guy in my life that I don't repeat the cycle and let history repeat itself. Time to let him go and leave it end peacefully.
We began to talk once in a while - no often, but enough to be civil with one another. The conversations got to be more frequent and like old times. Not to the point that I would fall in love with him again, but enough that he at times would give me butterflies. He always had a way with words and sweeping me off my feet with them, but they were just that - words. At times after a conversation I would curse him for even coming back into my life. It took me months to get over the hurt and what he did. I can't say that I forgave him. I'm sure a part of me did, but not all of me and no matter what might have happened between us had we gotten back together I don't think, no I know I couldn't have forgotten what he had done.
As our conversations became more frequent we began to become friends again. When we first met he was helping me get out of a somewhat abusive relationship. I wasn't strong enough to tell this guy no, but with his help and love I was able to get out of it without getting too hurt. When he told me he was in love with me I melted. It felt so right even though I wasn't ready to say those words. He waited until I was ready to feel love again and never pressured me. It was a love I haven't felt in a very long time. It was like a fairy tale. Maybe then I should have realized it was too good to be true. He was that guy again. Anyway, he would listen to me about the loser guys I have dated and tell me I deserved so much more and he wish he could make it right again. I vowed that I would never go back to him ever again, but part of me felt that I could take him back. He was always a good listener and gave me good advice on what to do with whatever current guy I was dating at the time. He never once said dump them and take me back. He became my security blanket - no matter how shitty guys were being here I knew I could always talk to him and he could make me feel better.
I haven't had a decent long relationship since we ended in summer of 2005. I am terrified to open up again in fear I am going to get hurt. I have so many walls up and though I want commitment - I am scared of it too. I never want to feel the hurt that I felt that June day when he told me he was going back to his ex who left him so many years ago. Now, my security blanket is totally gone. He is not there to talk to anymore as friends or anything more. I don't know where he went or why he went, but I cannot lie and say I don't miss him because I do. I guess a small part of me will always care for him. With that I am going to post the poem I wrote after we ended.
Shattered
My heart still breaks every single day
To not know is killing me
You are a little boy trapped in a man’s body
Not man enough to tell me the truth
Not man enough to face me in person
Your actions repeat those of your father
Left me alone without an answer
Left me alone without any closure
Tears run down my face
Just thinking of what we use to have
Tears run down my face
Just thinking of what we could have had
You shattered me into a million pieces
Pieces I do not think will ever be whole again
You gave me the world and took it all away
All for someone who left when you needed her most
You were the love of my life
The one that wanted to raise my vail
And have that baby girl
The one that said we would grow old together
And stare a lifetime into my eyes
What ever happened to him?
What ever happened to our fate?
I never knew what true love was like until I found you
I never knew what true love was like until I lost you
I am always the one that is so strong
But with all my power and strength
I cannot put you out of my mind and heart
You took away my trust
You took away my passion and spirit
You took away everything I cherished most
You made me feel so special
And wanted to spend the rest of forever with me
I lit up at the sound of your voice
And you took my breath away
I melted every time you said I Love You
And always put a smile on my face
Made the most difficult times better
With a promise to always be there
Here I am at my most difficult time with no smile in sight
And you are no where to be found
I guess forever got be too long
I never imagined Prince Charming could be so wrong
One day you will realize what you have lost
By then it will be too late
No matter how much I still care for you
Nothing could make me take you back
I want to find someone who can take away the pain you have caused
Will I ever let him?
I can only hope
I have put up my walls again
And hide my feelings from those who care
Someone will find me again
I hope he will have the patience
And give me that chance
Keep trying when I push him away
And understand my hesitation
It is all because of you
I will not be crushed again
©Kristina Allen 2005
With that it is time to say goodbye to him once again. It isn't as difficult as it was that June day. I'm a stronger more stubborn woman and if he doesn't want to talk to me anymore - I can deal with it. I know in the back of my mind he is going to pop up down the road - hopefully by then I have some wonderful guy in my life that I don't repeat the cycle and let history repeat itself. Time to let him go and leave it end peacefully.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Cowboys Only Ones To Blame
It has been a week since the Cowboys let a 13-3 season go down the toilet with a loss to the New York Giants. It seems longer than a week since that game was played, but they have no one to blame, but themselves. I knew this game wouldn’t be easy for the Cowboys and a part of me was worried that we would lose. Our December play was shitty and you would think after a second straight year of the team collapsing down the final stretch that coach Phillips would be doing everything in his power to get the team ready for the playoffs. Well, that would be the logical thing to do, but instead of watching the Giants/Bucs game Coach Phillips decides to let everyone have a few days off. Days off the team should have been practicing and watching film.
It’s no secret that Romo was in Cabo with his latest squeeze Jessica Simpson. Tagging along was Witten and a few other teammates. I just found out today that Julius Jones and half the offensive line was partying in Vegas the same weekend. Romo says he doesn’t regret the trip and he said it was a better choice then partying and drinking in Vegas. Both trips were equally stupid. It obviously affected their playing because well, the Packers and Giants are playing as I type this. As far as I know Cabo and Vegas are still open this week. The trips could have waited. Those 13 wins and that bye week don’t mean shit now.
On top of that Jerry Jones decides to let two coaches go interview on the bye week for head coaching jobs. Sparano and Garrett were in Baltimore, Atlanta, and Miami. Well, it is obvious by how the offensive line collapsed in the fourth quarter that Sparano should have been spending more time with them instead of interviewing for a new job. We knew Parcells wanted him, why couldn’t the interview wait until the season was over? It is evident that it effected the team because when he returned they all yelled when he came back "Don’t Leave Tony." Garrett has decided to stay. That’s fine with me, but I sure hope he learns to call a better game then he did in the last month. It was beyond pathetic play calling.
We had every opportunity to win that game and there was no reason for us to lose it. I feel bad for those that were there to play. Barber played his heart out. For the most part we looked like a pretty sloppy team to be the number one seed in the NFC. Crayton and his big fat mouth dropping perfectly thrown balls that were right in the numbers. Yeah, I don’t see you talking now you shithead. One of my biggest pet peeves is when players shoot their mouth off before or after games. I’m talking all players - not just the Cowboys. I wonder what Crayton is saying now that New England is good enough to go to the Super Bowl? "If they make it to Arizona, we will see them again. Seriously, I'm not backing down from that statement," receiver Patrick Crayton said Monday, a day after a 48-27 loss to the Patriots. Well, unless Crayton has tickets to the Super Bowl – he’s not seeing them in Arizona anytime soon. Play the game and shut your mouth! Do your talking on the field because otherwise you look like a complete idiot!
It is going to be an extremely long offseason and we need to improve on a lot of things. I hope Marion Barber gets the contract he wants because I would hate to see him go and a lot of teams would love to have him. Our special teams needs a serious over haul as does our defense. Roy Williams either needs to drop some weight or put more on. He is far too slow to be a safety anymore. We get burned deep too much because of him. I think he would be better suited as a linebacker. We need to find a new corner or two. We could be so much better going up against wide receivers. Our defense gave up too many points. Offensively we are pretty sound. A few changes to the offensive line for protection would be ideal. We have a great offense when we want to use it, but it could use a few additions too.
We had a bye week to prepare to take down the Giants, recover from injuries, but it sounds like partying and relaxing was done more than anything. If we are lucky enough to make it to the playoffs next year, I hope we don’t get a bye. I hope we learned from these stupid mistakes.
It’s no secret that Romo was in Cabo with his latest squeeze Jessica Simpson. Tagging along was Witten and a few other teammates. I just found out today that Julius Jones and half the offensive line was partying in Vegas the same weekend. Romo says he doesn’t regret the trip and he said it was a better choice then partying and drinking in Vegas. Both trips were equally stupid. It obviously affected their playing because well, the Packers and Giants are playing as I type this. As far as I know Cabo and Vegas are still open this week. The trips could have waited. Those 13 wins and that bye week don’t mean shit now.
On top of that Jerry Jones decides to let two coaches go interview on the bye week for head coaching jobs. Sparano and Garrett were in Baltimore, Atlanta, and Miami. Well, it is obvious by how the offensive line collapsed in the fourth quarter that Sparano should have been spending more time with them instead of interviewing for a new job. We knew Parcells wanted him, why couldn’t the interview wait until the season was over? It is evident that it effected the team because when he returned they all yelled when he came back "Don’t Leave Tony." Garrett has decided to stay. That’s fine with me, but I sure hope he learns to call a better game then he did in the last month. It was beyond pathetic play calling.
We had every opportunity to win that game and there was no reason for us to lose it. I feel bad for those that were there to play. Barber played his heart out. For the most part we looked like a pretty sloppy team to be the number one seed in the NFC. Crayton and his big fat mouth dropping perfectly thrown balls that were right in the numbers. Yeah, I don’t see you talking now you shithead. One of my biggest pet peeves is when players shoot their mouth off before or after games. I’m talking all players - not just the Cowboys. I wonder what Crayton is saying now that New England is good enough to go to the Super Bowl? "If they make it to Arizona, we will see them again. Seriously, I'm not backing down from that statement," receiver Patrick Crayton said Monday, a day after a 48-27 loss to the Patriots. Well, unless Crayton has tickets to the Super Bowl – he’s not seeing them in Arizona anytime soon. Play the game and shut your mouth! Do your talking on the field because otherwise you look like a complete idiot!
It is going to be an extremely long offseason and we need to improve on a lot of things. I hope Marion Barber gets the contract he wants because I would hate to see him go and a lot of teams would love to have him. Our special teams needs a serious over haul as does our defense. Roy Williams either needs to drop some weight or put more on. He is far too slow to be a safety anymore. We get burned deep too much because of him. I think he would be better suited as a linebacker. We need to find a new corner or two. We could be so much better going up against wide receivers. Our defense gave up too many points. Offensively we are pretty sound. A few changes to the offensive line for protection would be ideal. We have a great offense when we want to use it, but it could use a few additions too.
We had a bye week to prepare to take down the Giants, recover from injuries, but it sounds like partying and relaxing was done more than anything. If we are lucky enough to make it to the playoffs next year, I hope we don’t get a bye. I hope we learned from these stupid mistakes.
Monday, October 8, 2007
Sir Elton John - Truly Amazing!!!
Elton John October 7, 2007
I saw Elton John in Sioux Falls last night, yes that’s right Sir Elton made a stop on his tour in little ole Sioux Falls, SD. Dad was able to get 2 accessible tickets, row 2, seats 1 and 2. I had probably had the best seat in the house. From where I sat on the riser I could see Elton perfectly and he could see me. While I was sitting waiting for the show to begin I was going to pull a roadie aside to see if I could get a guitar pick, but none of them got close enough for me to get their attention. I really wanted an Elton John guitar pick to add to my collection.
The show was amazing and breathtaking. It was 2 ½ hours of pure Elton John. OMG – the rush and emotions I felt when he took the stage was unlike any band I have ever seen. He came out bowed and stood on and around his piano and I almost started crying it was that intense. He did all his classic hits and a few songs I didn’t know. My favorite is Tiny Dancer and I decided to go get a t-shirt during a song I didn’t know, well of course there are a bunch too choose from. When I heard the chords to Tiny Dancer I said I’ll take the black one with the tour dates. I wanted to get back quickly. He was a little raspy when he talked, but you couldn’t tell when he sang. I saw him smile a couple of times my way and there was no one behind me so I’d like to think they were for me, but I’ll never know.
I was freezing my ass off the entire show, but refused to put my sweatshirt on because I was looking pretty damn cute in the top I had on and there was this HOT guy in a wheelchair and his HOT friend next to me. To keep warm I didn’t sit still in the chair at all so I constantly moved back and forth and/or bounced up and down. I’m single – I’m allowed to bounce. Plus I had a good bra on so it’s not like the girls were going to come out for show and tell. When I wasn’t doing that I was seriously busting a move as best as I could and singing all the words. Well, when I was dancing and singing along to the songs Elton’s guitarist, bassist, and drummer - Nigel Olsson all noticed. I don’t remember the other member’s names and Nigel’s drum kit had his name on it so it is easier to remember. Got a couple of nods and quite a few smiles. These guys are pretty old, but it was still hella cool either way. These guys are touring with Elton John – I’m going to smile back! Nigel (I love that name) started with Elton in 1969.
The guitarist was closest to me so he interacted with me quite a bit. Well, he was handing guitar picks to the ladies in the front row and well I really really wanted one at this point. Kept thinking about just wheeling down to the front row. The worst that can happen is they tell me to go back to my spot or tell me to leave and the show was close to being over at this point. Well, I didn’t do it right away. I liked my view of the stage and didn’t want to leave it. Then the band went into Bennie and the Jets and the first three rows of people got permission to go in front of Elton so there was this whole big gap in front of the stage with my name written all over it. I told dad I was going down there and he came with. I didn’t think he would stay, but he was having a good time in the front row and security didn’t have a problem with it. I thought the other chairs would have come down there too, but maybe they were scared to. It was a ballsy move on my part, but I’m glad I did it. I was having a blast dancing and singing along.
The drummer kept smiling and waved at me so I waved back. They finished Saturday Nights Alright For Fighting and were leaving for their encore break, but before they all did the guitarist came over and gave me a guitar pick! He goes I know you want this. How sweet it is! My goal for the night was accomplished. I said thank you and with a sweet smile back he joined the others. Before the drummer left he held up one finger and told me to wait where I was. Dad leaned down and at the same time we both said I was getting a drumstick. They came back to the stage and their encore was Your Song and Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me. Beautiful songs. The said their quick good-byes as they left the stage and the drummer blew me a kiss with two fingers and gave me the peace sign and I blew him one back, but he didn’t bring his sticks. Dad goes – maybe you are going backstage? I said yeah right. I couldn’t go anywhere with 7000 people trying to leave so I just stayed where I was at. The drummer’s tech was taking his mics off his kit, but pointed to me and told me to wait right where I was and that he had something for me. When he finished he came over and gave me the sticks Nigel played with ALL night. How freakin cool is that? I thanked him and my god was he gorgeous. Nigel must have said something during the encore. I wasn’t expecting both. The older crowd (I was one of the babies at the show) was impressed to say the least. I was totally stoked! They have his name and signature on them. They are going with my collection of drumsticks.
It was an amazing night and after 38 years I’m glad Elton John decided to play some of the smaller cities and come to Sioux Falls. I’ve been watching his dates for Omaha and Minneapolis and almost died of shock when a Sioux Falls date was announced. Tickets sold out in 15 minutes. He didn’t make as much money coming here, but the 7000 people that were there will never ever forget it. Elvis played here two months before he died and it is a toss up as to who is the bigger name. We have had some big names stop here, but nothing as big as those two.
George McGovern walked out in front of me before the lights dimmed. For those who don't know who he is – he was a Senator from South Dakota who ran against Nixon during his second run at President. Like Al Gore – South Dakota didn’t give him his own State vote. He is a huge democrat that does a lot of work with world hunger. The man is 85 years old, but the man sure knows how to dress in some fancy digs. He looked so handsome in what looked like to be a custom made suit. Elton just announced he’s about to play Believe and dedicates it to "[I]A man I never thought I'd get to meet, but I did tonight - George McGovern[/I]." The crowd erupted into cheers and applause. McGovern rocked out in the second or third row ALL night long.
A cute little story Elton told that his dog goes everywhere with him and his dog is from South Dakota. He says he loves that dog so much and he thanks South Dakota for him so he says everywhere he goes a little bit of South Dakota is with him all the time. I found out later from the Arena manager that it is a cocker spaniel and I asked if he got a pic with Elton and if he was nice. He said he was very nice, but to get pictures it was difficult because the dog wouldn’t cooperate. He asked how I got the sticks and I said I beat up the drummer. He laughed and then he got the real story.
With the drumsticks in my hand you wouldn’t believe how many people asked – so you got the drumsticks? And mind you these people weren’t drunk. I didn’t say anything smartassy though I wanted to. A couple of guys my dad works with saw us in the front row, but knowing us they weren’t shocked that we were there. One asked how I always get so lucky with stuff from the stage. I said when you are cute and not pushy you get a lot of cool things from the stage!
While talking to them this guy with a backstage pass approached me with a friendly hello. He introduces himself and it turns out he is a reporter for the Link, a small inside magazine of our city newspaper and asks if I wanted to get interviewed about the show. I said sure why not. I mentioned Tiny Dancer, that I was shocked that Elton didn’t have a big stage show, the guitar pick and sticks as one of my favorite parts, and a few other things. I hope when it is published - I don’t sound like a complete dork. When you are on after concert adrenaline it’s like being drunk and you don’t know what you are saying sometimes. I tend to freeze up. I’ll post it if it makes it in the paper or online addition.
If you ever get the opportunity to see Sir Elton John do not pass it up!
My Pics From The Show.
I have a little video of The Bitch is Back and Candle In The Wind that I'll get up in Photobucket soon.
I made it in this reporters blog section of the Link.
Link Blog
Plain isn't exactly what I meant when I said I was shocked he didn't have a big stage show, but the kid was writing pretty fast. I'll give it to him.
I saw Elton John in Sioux Falls last night, yes that’s right Sir Elton made a stop on his tour in little ole Sioux Falls, SD. Dad was able to get 2 accessible tickets, row 2, seats 1 and 2. I had probably had the best seat in the house. From where I sat on the riser I could see Elton perfectly and he could see me. While I was sitting waiting for the show to begin I was going to pull a roadie aside to see if I could get a guitar pick, but none of them got close enough for me to get their attention. I really wanted an Elton John guitar pick to add to my collection.
The show was amazing and breathtaking. It was 2 ½ hours of pure Elton John. OMG – the rush and emotions I felt when he took the stage was unlike any band I have ever seen. He came out bowed and stood on and around his piano and I almost started crying it was that intense. He did all his classic hits and a few songs I didn’t know. My favorite is Tiny Dancer and I decided to go get a t-shirt during a song I didn’t know, well of course there are a bunch too choose from. When I heard the chords to Tiny Dancer I said I’ll take the black one with the tour dates. I wanted to get back quickly. He was a little raspy when he talked, but you couldn’t tell when he sang. I saw him smile a couple of times my way and there was no one behind me so I’d like to think they were for me, but I’ll never know.
I was freezing my ass off the entire show, but refused to put my sweatshirt on because I was looking pretty damn cute in the top I had on and there was this HOT guy in a wheelchair and his HOT friend next to me. To keep warm I didn’t sit still in the chair at all so I constantly moved back and forth and/or bounced up and down. I’m single – I’m allowed to bounce. Plus I had a good bra on so it’s not like the girls were going to come out for show and tell. When I wasn’t doing that I was seriously busting a move as best as I could and singing all the words. Well, when I was dancing and singing along to the songs Elton’s guitarist, bassist, and drummer - Nigel Olsson all noticed. I don’t remember the other member’s names and Nigel’s drum kit had his name on it so it is easier to remember. Got a couple of nods and quite a few smiles. These guys are pretty old, but it was still hella cool either way. These guys are touring with Elton John – I’m going to smile back! Nigel (I love that name) started with Elton in 1969.
The guitarist was closest to me so he interacted with me quite a bit. Well, he was handing guitar picks to the ladies in the front row and well I really really wanted one at this point. Kept thinking about just wheeling down to the front row. The worst that can happen is they tell me to go back to my spot or tell me to leave and the show was close to being over at this point. Well, I didn’t do it right away. I liked my view of the stage and didn’t want to leave it. Then the band went into Bennie and the Jets and the first three rows of people got permission to go in front of Elton so there was this whole big gap in front of the stage with my name written all over it. I told dad I was going down there and he came with. I didn’t think he would stay, but he was having a good time in the front row and security didn’t have a problem with it. I thought the other chairs would have come down there too, but maybe they were scared to. It was a ballsy move on my part, but I’m glad I did it. I was having a blast dancing and singing along.
The drummer kept smiling and waved at me so I waved back. They finished Saturday Nights Alright For Fighting and were leaving for their encore break, but before they all did the guitarist came over and gave me a guitar pick! He goes I know you want this. How sweet it is! My goal for the night was accomplished. I said thank you and with a sweet smile back he joined the others. Before the drummer left he held up one finger and told me to wait where I was. Dad leaned down and at the same time we both said I was getting a drumstick. They came back to the stage and their encore was Your Song and Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me. Beautiful songs. The said their quick good-byes as they left the stage and the drummer blew me a kiss with two fingers and gave me the peace sign and I blew him one back, but he didn’t bring his sticks. Dad goes – maybe you are going backstage? I said yeah right. I couldn’t go anywhere with 7000 people trying to leave so I just stayed where I was at. The drummer’s tech was taking his mics off his kit, but pointed to me and told me to wait right where I was and that he had something for me. When he finished he came over and gave me the sticks Nigel played with ALL night. How freakin cool is that? I thanked him and my god was he gorgeous. Nigel must have said something during the encore. I wasn’t expecting both. The older crowd (I was one of the babies at the show) was impressed to say the least. I was totally stoked! They have his name and signature on them. They are going with my collection of drumsticks.
It was an amazing night and after 38 years I’m glad Elton John decided to play some of the smaller cities and come to Sioux Falls. I’ve been watching his dates for Omaha and Minneapolis and almost died of shock when a Sioux Falls date was announced. Tickets sold out in 15 minutes. He didn’t make as much money coming here, but the 7000 people that were there will never ever forget it. Elvis played here two months before he died and it is a toss up as to who is the bigger name. We have had some big names stop here, but nothing as big as those two.
George McGovern walked out in front of me before the lights dimmed. For those who don't know who he is – he was a Senator from South Dakota who ran against Nixon during his second run at President. Like Al Gore – South Dakota didn’t give him his own State vote. He is a huge democrat that does a lot of work with world hunger. The man is 85 years old, but the man sure knows how to dress in some fancy digs. He looked so handsome in what looked like to be a custom made suit. Elton just announced he’s about to play Believe and dedicates it to "[I]A man I never thought I'd get to meet, but I did tonight - George McGovern[/I]." The crowd erupted into cheers and applause. McGovern rocked out in the second or third row ALL night long.
A cute little story Elton told that his dog goes everywhere with him and his dog is from South Dakota. He says he loves that dog so much and he thanks South Dakota for him so he says everywhere he goes a little bit of South Dakota is with him all the time. I found out later from the Arena manager that it is a cocker spaniel and I asked if he got a pic with Elton and if he was nice. He said he was very nice, but to get pictures it was difficult because the dog wouldn’t cooperate. He asked how I got the sticks and I said I beat up the drummer. He laughed and then he got the real story.
With the drumsticks in my hand you wouldn’t believe how many people asked – so you got the drumsticks? And mind you these people weren’t drunk. I didn’t say anything smartassy though I wanted to. A couple of guys my dad works with saw us in the front row, but knowing us they weren’t shocked that we were there. One asked how I always get so lucky with stuff from the stage. I said when you are cute and not pushy you get a lot of cool things from the stage!
While talking to them this guy with a backstage pass approached me with a friendly hello. He introduces himself and it turns out he is a reporter for the Link, a small inside magazine of our city newspaper and asks if I wanted to get interviewed about the show. I said sure why not. I mentioned Tiny Dancer, that I was shocked that Elton didn’t have a big stage show, the guitar pick and sticks as one of my favorite parts, and a few other things. I hope when it is published - I don’t sound like a complete dork. When you are on after concert adrenaline it’s like being drunk and you don’t know what you are saying sometimes. I tend to freeze up. I’ll post it if it makes it in the paper or online addition.
If you ever get the opportunity to see Sir Elton John do not pass it up!
My Pics From The Show.
I have a little video of The Bitch is Back and Candle In The Wind that I'll get up in Photobucket soon.
I made it in this reporters blog section of the Link.
Link Blog
Plain isn't exactly what I meant when I said I was shocked he didn't have a big stage show, but the kid was writing pretty fast. I'll give it to him.
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
I Get It
I just got done reading He's Just Not That Into You by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo and let me tell you that this was an eye opening hit you in the face type of book. It never occurred to me to read a book about why my past relationships have gone wrong or why I stayed in them longer than I should have. I do watch Greg Behrendt's talk show a couple of times a week so of course they advertise the book and I contemplated on picking it up. Low and behold it arrived in the mail for an early birthday present from my twin sister from another mother Carrie.Carrie and I lead pretty much the same lives when it comes to men. It is quite bizarre to say the least. We tend to date similar assholes at the same time and when one of us dumps said asshole it's not long after that she or me will dump the asshole we are dating. The one thing Carrie and I are known to bitch about to each other is making excuses why we are still with them. As I think back to the men I have dated and the conversations Carrie and I had about them time and time again she would tell me to dump the bastard. Did I listen? Well - yes, but not right away. The excuse train was a rollin' out of my mouth and there were no stops on this train ride. Like the good friend she is – she would listen. The exact same thing would happen with Carrie and someone she was dating. I could see that she should dump him, but did she listen? Just like me – not right away. We can be stubborn when it comes to dating. I think part of it is that we want to be with a guy whether he is right or not.
Carrie and I live seven hours apart yet both of us can tell each other what kind of loser each of us is dating. She and I will tell each other to end it weeks before we actually get out of the relationship. You think we would be getting smarter about ending a relationship sooner, but we don't. For her birthday I got her a shirt that said Boys Suck and it was very fitting at the time for both of us. I hope she wore it proudly.
Now, I dive into this book because Carrie said it was soooo us. Yep, Carrie read it too. I couldn't put it down. There is a chapter for every guy that I have ever dated and reasons why those men were just not that into me. Behrendt says that a lot in the book so if you read it – get used to it.
The most poignant chapter for me was He's Just Not That Into You If He's Disappeared. What an awful feeling is to have someone you love just up and disappear on you without a word. Well, that happened to me and it took me a very long time to stop crying over a man that I knew wasn't coming back. I had no closure which was the worst part of it all. I just wish he had told me that he was going back to his ex than just leave me hanging to cry for months and months. There was a letter from a girl who had basically the same thing happen to her – if I didn't know any better you could have signed my name to it. It was that surreal.
This girl wanted to know why - as did I. Behrendt's advice was to drop the asshole and forget about him and not waste anymore time on him. The asshole knows you are pissed and he is not going to listen to you. He doesn't care anymore. That stopped the minute he disappeared. He says it might feel good to yell at him, but in the long run you will wish you hadn't. You have much better things to do with your life.
Oh how I could have used this advice two years ago when it happened to me. I might not have wasted so many tears on a guy that obviously didn't want to be with me. You know – I probably got the advice from someone along the way, but chose not to listen to it then.
My problem with this guy now is that he keeps coming back and I have a hard time saying no to him when he does. Carrie can attest to this as she is one of the first people I tell when he does contact me. She has now started to tell me to be careful – she knows me too well that girl. I get this giddy feeling when I do talk to him, but this every few months of saying hi and flirting is complete bullshit and I am sick of it. No more! There is a chapter about breaking up and him constantly coming back. If this man truly wanted me he would move mountains to be with me and that is not what he is doing. He hasn't even attempted to move a rock. Why the hell do I even bother with him? I have decided as of right now to cut of all ties with him. I am wasting too much energy on this man when I could be ruining the chance of meeting someone great. If I keep letting him suck me back in every few months I'm never going to be happy. So bye-bye mister he's just not that into me.
Behrendt also states that the right guy will chase you and do practically anything to have you. If a guy doesn't appreciate you for all that you are worth, why do we constantly stay with these losers? I am all about my independence and not afraid to ask a guy out, but he says that's not what guys want. Well, I'm going to try it. He could very well be right on this. Let the guy ask for your number, let him work to get to know you/be with you. Anyone can seem too eager especially when alcohol is involved. So watch out for that. The right guy will do practically anything under the sun to put a smile on your face.
The main message I like from Behrendt is don't waste the pretty. He says that a lot throughout the book along with other uplifting messages that women should feel about themselves. He is right – if you read this book and see signs that a guy is just not that into you – move on! Why waste how beautiful, great, exciting, intelligent, independent, sexy, etc. on a guy who doesn't want to be with you? Dump him. As I write that I know it is easier said than done, but I am going to take what I have read in this book and learn from it. Hopefully I will see the signs sooner and not risk getting myself hurt again. It's amazing that friends can tell me I'm dating a loser and not listen, but reading the words in a book it's more insightful and has opened up my eyes. Obviously I sometimes have a problem with listening to my friends relationship advice. I'm going to work on that too.
After reading this book I do have faith that Carrie and I have learned from it and we are not going to waste the pretty. We are both too good, too beautiful and so much more that any man would be lucky to have us. We just need to be smarter about the ones we are seeing before Mr. Right passes us by.
I highly recommend this book to any woman who is struggling with a relationship right now or is questioning previous relationships. It will make you laugh, but it will also give you some great advice. I find Behrenddt's sarcasm on the show extremely funny and he applies it to the book just as much. He can be very blunt, but it will make you listen.
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Not Confused Anymore
Well, Mr. Wonderful is not so wonderful anymore. I was a fool once again, but NO more. I can't get suckered in every time he thinks it's ok to start things up like nothing happened.
He put it out there that he possibility wanted more and so when I ask him about it do I get an answer? Of course not!! I just wanted to know either way if we were on the same page or if I totally misread what he said those two nights we talked. I'm not stupid in what he said. He was recindling the past and starting up a possible new future with us.
I guess that's all it was - it was all talk. I can't tempt myself into talking with him anymore. I'm sure in a few months we will talk again - it seems to be the pattern with us, but if it does happen again I'll be sure to put my foot down and not let it get too far.
At one time we could have been really great together, but that time was a LONG time ago and that ship has sailed.
He put it out there that he possibility wanted more and so when I ask him about it do I get an answer? Of course not!! I just wanted to know either way if we were on the same page or if I totally misread what he said those two nights we talked. I'm not stupid in what he said. He was recindling the past and starting up a possible new future with us.
I guess that's all it was - it was all talk. I can't tempt myself into talking with him anymore. I'm sure in a few months we will talk again - it seems to be the pattern with us, but if it does happen again I'll be sure to put my foot down and not let it get too far.
At one time we could have been really great together, but that time was a LONG time ago and that ship has sailed.
Thursday, August 2, 2007
Confused
My ex from two years ago contacts me this weekend and we had two great conversations. So great that I am a tad confused on what he wants from me and us. We seem to always come back to each other every 4-5 months. I have forgiven him, but forgetting is another story. To this day I have a hard time trusting the men I am with in fear it will happen again. It felt good talking to him again, but it was just talking. The passion we once had was there again which makes talking now all the more confusing.
He broke my heart like you wouldn't believe. I cried for months wondering why. It took so long to get over because I never received any closure from him. I was left hanging with no answer which hurt more than anything. I knew the answer, but wish he had just told me why. I never thought I would get over it. I evenutally did, but have yet to have a decent relationship since.
I'm willing to work on being friends with him, but I'm not sure about being anything more. I at one time thought he was the love of my life. He very well could be, but how much is it going to take for us to get what we had back? How can I be sure he won't do it again?
He is one of the sweetest guys out there other than the one flaw that ended our relationship. It's because of him that I believe good guys really do exist. I just need to find one. I am kinda looking and kinda taking a break. I want to find Mr. Right whether it is him or someone else. I think I deserve a Mr. Right.
After we broke up I wrote this poem abour our relationship and how it all ended.
Shattered
My heart still breaks every single day
To not know is killing me
You are a little boy trapped in a man’s body
Not man enough to tell me the truth
Not man enough to face me in person
Your actions repeat those of your father
Left me alone without an answer
Left me alone without any closure
Tears run down my face
Just thinking of what we used to have
Tears run down my face
Just thinking of what we could have had
You shattered me into a million pieces
Pieces I do not think will ever be whole again
You gave me the world and took it all away
All for someone who left when you needed her most
You were the love of my life
The one that wanted to raise my vail
And have that baby girl
The one that said we would grow old together
And stare a lifetime into my eyes
Whatever happened to him?
Whatever happened to our fate?
I never knew what true love was like until I found youy
I never knew what true love was like until I lost you
I am always the one that is so strong
But with all my power and strength
I cannot put you out of my mind and heart
You took away my trust
You took away my passion and spirit
You took away everything I cherished most
You made me feel so special
And wanted to spend the rest of forever with me
I lit up at the sound of your voice
And you took my breath away
I melted every time you said I Love You
And you always put a smile on my face
Made the most difficult times better
With a promise to always be there
Here I am at my most difficult time with no smile in sight
And you are no where to be found
I guess forever got be too long
I never imagined Prince Charming could be so wrong
One day you will realize what you have lost
By then it will be too late
No matter how much I still care for you
Nothing could make me take you back
I want to find someone who can take away the pain you have caused
Will I ever let him?
I can only hope
I have put up my walls again
And hide my feelings from those who care
Someone will find me again
I hope he will have the patience
And give me that chance
Keep trying when I push him away
And understand my hesitation
It is all because of you
I will not be crushed again
©Kristina Allen 2005
In my poem I state that I wouldn't take him back, but now I'm wondering. That confusion could be overshadowed by the lonliness that I am feeling and I could be walking a fine line and jumping into this too soon.
I have emailed him and asked him straight out what he wants for me. If I read into what he was saying wrong I want him to tell me. If he wants to work on it again I want him to tell me. I just don't want to be left in the dark being confused on what he wants and most of all I don't want to get hurt again. A lot of my friends would kick my butt if I went back to him, but it is my choice. Right now I'm not thinking either way.
I'm going to try and keep myself as busy as possible and hopefully I will get an answer one way or another. I'm not going to wait either - if a man comes along and wants to go out and I feel comfortable I won't turn down the opportunity.
He broke my heart like you wouldn't believe. I cried for months wondering why. It took so long to get over because I never received any closure from him. I was left hanging with no answer which hurt more than anything. I knew the answer, but wish he had just told me why. I never thought I would get over it. I evenutally did, but have yet to have a decent relationship since.
I'm willing to work on being friends with him, but I'm not sure about being anything more. I at one time thought he was the love of my life. He very well could be, but how much is it going to take for us to get what we had back? How can I be sure he won't do it again?
He is one of the sweetest guys out there other than the one flaw that ended our relationship. It's because of him that I believe good guys really do exist. I just need to find one. I am kinda looking and kinda taking a break. I want to find Mr. Right whether it is him or someone else. I think I deserve a Mr. Right.
After we broke up I wrote this poem abour our relationship and how it all ended.
Shattered
My heart still breaks every single day
To not know is killing me
You are a little boy trapped in a man’s body
Not man enough to tell me the truth
Not man enough to face me in person
Your actions repeat those of your father
Left me alone without an answer
Left me alone without any closure
Tears run down my face
Just thinking of what we used to have
Tears run down my face
Just thinking of what we could have had
You shattered me into a million pieces
Pieces I do not think will ever be whole again
You gave me the world and took it all away
All for someone who left when you needed her most
You were the love of my life
The one that wanted to raise my vail
And have that baby girl
The one that said we would grow old together
And stare a lifetime into my eyes
Whatever happened to him?
Whatever happened to our fate?
I never knew what true love was like until I found youy
I never knew what true love was like until I lost you
I am always the one that is so strong
But with all my power and strength
I cannot put you out of my mind and heart
You took away my trust
You took away my passion and spirit
You took away everything I cherished most
You made me feel so special
And wanted to spend the rest of forever with me
I lit up at the sound of your voice
And you took my breath away
I melted every time you said I Love You
And you always put a smile on my face
Made the most difficult times better
With a promise to always be there
Here I am at my most difficult time with no smile in sight
And you are no where to be found
I guess forever got be too long
I never imagined Prince Charming could be so wrong
One day you will realize what you have lost
By then it will be too late
No matter how much I still care for you
Nothing could make me take you back
I want to find someone who can take away the pain you have caused
Will I ever let him?
I can only hope
I have put up my walls again
And hide my feelings from those who care
Someone will find me again
I hope he will have the patience
And give me that chance
Keep trying when I push him away
And understand my hesitation
It is all because of you
I will not be crushed again
©Kristina Allen 2005
In my poem I state that I wouldn't take him back, but now I'm wondering. That confusion could be overshadowed by the lonliness that I am feeling and I could be walking a fine line and jumping into this too soon.
I have emailed him and asked him straight out what he wants for me. If I read into what he was saying wrong I want him to tell me. If he wants to work on it again I want him to tell me. I just don't want to be left in the dark being confused on what he wants and most of all I don't want to get hurt again. A lot of my friends would kick my butt if I went back to him, but it is my choice. Right now I'm not thinking either way.
I'm going to try and keep myself as busy as possible and hopefully I will get an answer one way or another. I'm not going to wait either - if a man comes along and wants to go out and I feel comfortable I won't turn down the opportunity.
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